sayings

W. C. Fields Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by W. C. Fields you don’t find here.

More on W. C. Fields: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.C._Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
– W.C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
– W.C. Fields

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
– W.C. Fields

Somebody put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
– W.C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
– W.C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
– W.C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
– W.C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
– W.C. Fields

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
– W.C. Fields

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
– W.C. Fields

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Mae West Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Mae West you don’t find here.

More on Mae West: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mae_West.

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.
– Mae West

So many men, so little time.
– Mae West

It’s not the men in my life; it’s the life in my men.
– Mae West

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
– Mae West

I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
– Mae West

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
– Mae West

I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.
– Mae West

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
– Mae West

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
– Mae West

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
– Mae West

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.
– Mae West

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.
– Mae West

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
– Mae West

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before.
– Mae West

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.
– Mae West

I always say, keep a diary, and some day it’ll keep you.
– Mae West

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then. As long as you don’t break any.
– Mae West

It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.
– Mae West

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
– Mae West

Woody Allen Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Woody Allen you don’t find here.

More on Woody Allen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_allen.

I am at two with nature.
– Woody Allen

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
– Woody Allen

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
– Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
– Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
– Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
– Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
– Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
– Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
– Woody Allen

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2000 Quotations by Women

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by women you don’t find here.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
– Rita Rudner

In life as in the dance: Grace glides on blistered feet.
– Alice Abrams

Prejudice squints when it looks, and lies when it talks.
– Duchess de Abrantes

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
– Bella Abzug

All the men on my staff can type.
– Bella Abzug

I prefer the word “homemaker” because “housewife” always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.
– Bella Abzug

Congress is a middle-aged, middle-class, white male power structure… no wonder it’s been so totally unresponsive to the needs of this country.
– Bella Abzug

I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee–they assumed I was a secretary.
– Bella Abzug

Time wounds all heels.
– Jane Ace

The chickens have come home to roast.
– Jane Ace

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Benjamin Franklin Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any Franklin quotations you don’t find here.

More on Benjamin Franklin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin.

We must all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately.
– Benjamin Franklin

One of the greatest tragedies of life is the murder of a beautiful theory by a gang of brutal facts.
– Benjamin Franklin

There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
– Benjamin Franklin

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
– Benjamin Franklin

If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest rather than intellect.
– Benjamin Franklin

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
– Benjamin Franklin

Clean your finger before you point at my spots.
– Benjamin Franklin

He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
– Benjamin Franklin

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.
– Benjamin Franklin

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Mark Twain Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. I’m starting with Mark Twain because we’re coming up on the 100th anniversary of his death and he’ll be in the news for a while. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any Twain quotations you don’t find here.

More on Mark Twain http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_twain.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
— Mark Twain

If the world ends, I’ll just head on down to Kentucky because they’re always 20 years behind.

— Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
— Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
— Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt–and children.
— Mark Twain

Principles aren’t of much account, anyway, except at election time.
— Mark Twain

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
— Mark Twain

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
— Mark Twain

Everything has its limit–iron cannot be educated into gold.
— Mark Twain

There ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore.
— Mark Twain

Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts.
— Mark Twain

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.
— Mark Twain

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
— Mark Twain

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
— Mark Twain

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