quotations

Dave Barry Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Dave Barry you don’t find here.

More on Dave Barry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry

Men, because of a tragic genetic flaw, cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.
– Dave Barry

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
– Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
– Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
– Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
– Dave Barry

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages.
– Dave Barry

Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, ‘Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby.’ So I got a hobby. I make beer.
– Dave Barry

I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
– Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
– Dave Barry

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men’s room and the women’s room without having little pictures on the doors.
– Dave Barry

As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
– Dave Barry

Basically, the American businessman should dress as though he recently lost his entire family in a tragic boat explosion.
– Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
– Dave Barry

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
– Dave Barry

Never tell a woman that you didn’t realize she was pregnant unless you’re certain that she is.
– Dave Barry

Proverbs

I’ve been collecting proverbs for years and figured I’d put my collection online for others to use as they wish. I’m adding country, language and or ethnic origins over time so the list will be updated with that information. Enjoy these proverbs, use the comment form to share any you don’t find here.

More on proverbs: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proverb

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
– Japanese Proverb

If triangles had a God, He’d have three sides.
– Yiddish proverb

The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little longer.
– American Proverb (U.S. Army Corp of Engineers)

Molasses catches more flies than vinegar.
– Italian Proverb

Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
– Arab Proverb

All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.
– American Proverb (Benjamin Franklin)

Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald.
– Belgian Proverb

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.
– Chinese Proverb

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
– Chinese Proverb (Lao Tzu)

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
– Chinese Proverb

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
– Chinese Proverb

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
– Chinese Proverb

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.
– American Proverb (Billy Graham)

Too clever is dumb.
– American Proverb (Ogden Nash)

Charity sees the need, not the cause.
– German Proverb

Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river.
– Haitian Proverb

A dog is a dog unless he is facing you; then he is Mr. Dog.
– Haitian Proverb

When an elephant is in trouble even a frog will kick him.
– Hindu Proverb

The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.
– Hungarian Proverb

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
– Indian Proverb

It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.
– Irish Proverb

Love kills time. Time kills love.
– Proverb

Bed is the poor man’s opera.
– Italian Proverb

The reverse side also has a reverse side.
– Japanese Proverb

To teach is to learn.
– Japanese Proverb

Knowledge without wisdom is a load of books on the back of an ass.
– Japanese Proverb

God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.
– Jewish Proverb

Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp’s nest.
– Indian Proverb (Malabar)

No one can say of his house, “There is no trouble here.”
– Chinese Proverb

When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
– Persian Proverb

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Fran Lebowitz Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Fran Lebowitz you don’t find here.

More on Fran Lebowitz: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran_Lebowitz

Twenty-four hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive.
– Fran Lebowitz

All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
– Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
– Fran Lebowitz

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.
– Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
– Fran Lebowitz

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
– Fran Lebowitz

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
– Fran Lebowitz

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Groucho Marx Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Groucho Marx you don’t find here.

More on Groucho Marx: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groucho_marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
– Groucho Marx

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!
– Groucho Marx

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
– Groucho Marx

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
– Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
– Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
– Groucho Marx

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
– Groucho Marx

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
– Groucho Marx

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
– Groucho Marx

A man is as old as the woman he feels.
– Groucho Marx

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Quotations about Marriage

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about marriage you don’t find here.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
– Irwin Corey

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

The trouble with wedlock is that there’s not enough wed and too much lock.
– Christopher Morley

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

My advice to girls: first, don’t smoke – to excess; second, don’t drink – to excess; third, don’t marry – to excess.
– Mark Twain

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
– Stephen Leacock

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Prediction Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any interesting prediction quotations you don’t find here.

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
– Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
– David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
– Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
– Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
– Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
– Western Union internal memo, 1876

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.
– A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
– H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.
– Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies

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Quotations about Learning

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about learning you don’t find here.

I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
– Mark Twain

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.
– Al McGuire

Education is learning what you didn’t know you didn’t know.
– George Boas

I quit school in the fifth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it but because I couldn’t spell it.
– Rocky Graziano

Experience is a good school, but the fees are high.
– Heinrich Heine

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
– Georg Christopher Lichtenberg

Any place that anyone young can learn something useful from someone with experience is an educational institution.
– Al Capp

The great difficulty in education is to get experience out of ideas.
– George Santayana

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
– Mark Twain

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
– Douglas Adams

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Quotations about Dogs

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about dogs you don’t find here.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
– Rita Rudner

America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.
– Arnold Toynbee

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
– Robert Benchley

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
– Groucho Marx

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.
– Mary Bly

Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little puppies.
– Gene Hill

In dog years I’m dead.
– Unknown

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
– Dave Barry

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
– Penny Ward Moser

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Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Ralph Waldo Emerson you don’t find here.

More on Ralph Waldo Emerson: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is the hardest task in the world? To think.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is no use to preach to me from without. I can do that too easily myself.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate quotations.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am ashamed to see what a shallow village tale our so-called history is.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every man is wanted, and no man is wanted much.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are always getting ready to live, but never living.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sum of wisdom is, that the time is never lost that is devoted to work.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I look on that man as happy, who, when there is a question of success, looks into his work for a reply.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Josh Billings Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Josh Billings you don’t find here.

More on Josh Billings: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Billings.

The trouble with people is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so.
– Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
– Josh Billings

There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity.
– Josh Billings

There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.
– Josh Billings

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
– Josh Billings

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
– Josh Billings

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
– Josh Billings

A learned fool is one who has read everything, and simply remembered it.
– Josh Billings

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
– Josh Billings

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
– Josh Billings

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