Dave Barry

Dave Barry Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Dave Barry you don’t find here.

More on Dave Barry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry

Men, because of a tragic genetic flaw, cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.
– Dave Barry

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
– Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
– Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
– Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
– Dave Barry

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages.
– Dave Barry

Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, ‘Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby.’ So I got a hobby. I make beer.
– Dave Barry

I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
– Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
– Dave Barry

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men’s room and the women’s room without having little pictures on the doors.
– Dave Barry

As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
– Dave Barry

Basically, the American businessman should dress as though he recently lost his entire family in a tragic boat explosion.
– Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
– Dave Barry

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
– Dave Barry

Never tell a woman that you didn’t realize she was pregnant unless you’re certain that she is.
– Dave Barry

Dave Barry: A journey into my colon – and yours

Dave Barry: A journey into my colon — and yours

OK. You turned 50. You know you’re supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven’t. Here are your reasons:

1. You’ve been busy.

2. You don’t have a history of cancer in your family.

3. You haven’t noticed any problems.

4. You don’t want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let’s examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let’s not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your “behindular zone” gives you the creeping willies.

About Dave Barry.

Cartoons make things clear

There are times (many actually) where I’d much prefer a clean, clear, and to the point political cartoon over a well-written article on a topic. There is something about reducing something to a frame or two that appeals to me. This is why I am a long time subscriber to Funny Times, a left-leaning collection of political cartoons and wirting by the likes of Molly Ivins and Dave Barry, among many others.

A great online collection of cartoons to check is Slate’s Daryl Cagle’s Cartoon Index and Salon has a nice collection as well, although I’m not sure you have to be signed up in their “premium” program to see them all.

Below is a list of artists who are worth tracking. Each has a different style, viewpoint, and take on the world so checking them all out is like scanning all the stories in google news to get a broader viewpoint. I may add a few more here from time to time and I hope you’ll comment on this post with your favorites.

Ted Rall
Andy Singer (No Exit)
Jen Sorensen (slowpoke)
Nina Paley
Eric Bezdek
Tim Eagan
Stephanie McMillan
Peter Kuper
William L. Brown
Ruben Bolling
Scott Bateman
Rhymes with Orange
Sidewalk Bubblegum
Joe Sharpnack (sharptoons)
Tom Tomorrow (this modern world)