Quotations about Marriage

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about marriage you don’t find here.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
– Irwin Corey

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

The trouble with wedlock is that there’s not enough wed and too much lock.
– Christopher Morley

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

My advice to girls: first, don’t smoke – to excess; second, don’t drink – to excess; third, don’t marry – to excess.
– Mark Twain

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
– Stephen Leacock

Marriage, n. the state of condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
– Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. a temporary insanity cured by marriage.
– Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge.
– Mrs. Patrick Campbell

Almost all married people fight, although many are ashamed to admit it. Actually a marriage in which no quarreling at all takes place may well be one that is dead or dying from emotional undernourishment. If you care, you probably fight.
– Flora Davis

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
– Peter De Vries

Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
– Benjamin Franklin

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
– Raymond Hull

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.
– Joseph Joubert

Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.
– John D. MacDonald

The truth is friendship is every bit as sacred and eternal as marriage.
– Katherine Mansfield

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who would want to live in an institution?
– H. L. Mencken

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
– Wilson Mizner

Marriage may be compared to a cage: the birds outside despair to get in and those within despair to get out.
– Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.
– George Jean Nathan

The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.
– Harold Nicholson

Marriage is tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.
– Richard Pryor

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
– Helen Rowland

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
– Helen Rowland

[Marriage] A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.
– Herbert Spencer

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
– Gloria Steinem

In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in in comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.
– Anne Sophie Swetchine

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding a fettucini restaurant in the first place.
– Calvin Trillin

Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.
– Unknown

Take it from me, marriage isn’t a word – it’s a sentence.
– King Vidor

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable.
– Oscar Wilde

Never marry a girl named “Marie” who used to be known as “Murray.”
– Johnny Carson

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.
– Chekhov

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.
– Cher

Intellectuals should never marry; they won’t enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.
– Don Herold

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house.
– Jean Kerr

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.
– Don Marquis

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
– H. L. Mencken

If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children. . . .” – they leave skid marks.
– Rita Rudner

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
– Gloria Steinem

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
– Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
– Oscar Wilde

The very fact that we make such a to-do over golden weddings indicates our amazement at human endurance.
– Ilka Chase

The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.
– Heinrich Heine

Planning a wedding is not the best way to start off married life.
– Kathy Nicolai

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.
– Clint Eastwood

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