Quotations about Dogs

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about dogs you don’t find here.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
– Rita Rudner

America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.
– Arnold Toynbee

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
– Robert Benchley

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
– Groucho Marx

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.
– Mary Bly

Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little puppies.
– Gene Hill

In dog years I’m dead.
– Unknown

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
– Dave Barry

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
– Penny Ward Moser

The dog’s kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.
– Danish Proverb

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
– Michael Friedman

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
– Aldous Huxley

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.
– Sue Murphy

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
– Unknown

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
– Unknown

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
– August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
– Fran Lebowitz

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul – chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!
– Anne Tyler

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
– Rita Rudner

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.
– Joe Weinstein

Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
– Unknown

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
– James Thurber

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.
– Nora Ephron

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
– Ann Landers

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
– Robert A. Heinlein

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
– Dereke Bruce

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
– Ben Williams

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
– Edward Abbey

Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
– Unknown

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail..
– Unknown

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
– Christopher Morley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
– Josh Billings

Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.
– Holbrook Jackson

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
– Andrew A. Rooney

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!
– Groucho Marx

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion
– Unknown

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
– Mark Twain

I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
– Abraham Lincoln

If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog? Five? No, four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.
– Abraham Lincoln

Dog, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.
– Ambrose Bierce

Physician, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
– Ambrose Bierce

Reverence, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.
– Ambrose Bierce

He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
– Benjamin Franklin

Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: The chances are he will not use it wisely.
– Bette-Jane Raphael

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
– Camille Paglia

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
– Christopher Hampton

Breaks balance out. The sun don’t shine on the same ol’ dog’s ass every day.
– Darrell Royal

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.
– Elizabeth Taylor

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.
– Jack London

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
– Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
– Lewis Grizzard

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.
– Madame de Stael

I have never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
– Marie Corelli

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
– Mark Twain

It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.
– Mark Twain

When a man’s dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama.
– Mark Twain

Don’t make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they’ll treat you like dogs.
– Martha Scott

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
– Ogden Nash

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
– Robert Benchley

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.
– Samuel Butler

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