W. C. Fields Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by W. C. Fields you don’t find here.

More on W. C. Fields: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.C._Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
– W.C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
– W.C. Fields

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
– W.C. Fields

Somebody put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
– W.C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
– W.C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
– W.C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
– W.C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
– W.C. Fields

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
– W.C. Fields

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
– W.C. Fields

Few things are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
– W.C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
– W.C. Fields

Children should neither be seen nor heard from – ever again.
– W.C. Fields

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
– W.C. Fields

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
– W.C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
– W.C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about things.
– W.C. Fields

It’s a funny old world; a man’s lucky if he gets out alive.
– W.C. Fields

You can’t cheat an honest man.
– W.C. Fields

Women are like elephants to me – I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.
– W.C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up to the standard for the rest of your life.
– W.C. Fields

We lived for days on nothing but food and water.
– W.C. Fields

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s