I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about cats you don’t find here.
Dogs come when they are called. Cats take a message and get back to you later.
– Mary Bly
When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
– Persian Proverb
Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.
– Oliver Herford
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
– Jeff Valdez
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
– Steven Wright
Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
– Sir Julian Huxley
Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
– Ambrose Bierce
I do not know what the cat can have eaten. Usually I know exactly what the cat has eaten. Not only have I fed it to the cat, at the cat’s insistence, but the cat has thrown it up on the rug, and someone has tracked it all the was over on to the other rug. I do not know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They do not seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while doing it. It’s their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit.
– Roy Blount Jr.
A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.
– Elaine Boosler
Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched.
No man ever dared to manifest his boredom so insolently as does a Siamese tomcat when he yawns in the face of his amorously importunate wife.
– Aldous Huxley
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
– Garrison Keillor
All cats are grey in the dark.
– Spanish Proverb
Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?
– Fernand Mery
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.
– Michel de Montaigne
People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored.
– Henry Morgan
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America’s favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.
– P.J. O’Rourke
A baited cat may grow as fierce as a lion.
– Samuel Palmer
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
– Mark Twain
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
– Alfred North Whitehead
The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
– Doug Larson
If a cat spoke, it would say things like “Hey, I don’t see the problem here.”
– Roy Blount, Jr.
I have never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
– Marie Corelli
The cat in gloves catches no mice.
– Benjamin Franklin
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons; the second is to look around and see if a cat has walked out on stage.
– Alva Johnston
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
– Lazarus Long
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
– P. J. O’Rourke
Be careful to get out of an experience all the wisdom that is in it—not like the cat that sits down on a hot stove. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again—and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
– Mark Twain
Fiddle, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.
– Ambrose Bierce
A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.
– Hugh MacLennan
A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
– Mark Twain
I saw a cat yesterday with 4 legs – and yet it was only a yellow cat, and rather small, too, for its size. They were not all fore legs – several of them were hind legs; indeed almost a majority of them were.
– Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
– Mark Twain
One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
– Mark Twain
The smallest feline is a masterpiece.
– Leonardo Da Vinci
Cats don’t like change without their consent.
– Roger A. Caras
A cat is a tiger that is fed by hand.
– Yakaoka Genrin
Whenever the cat of the house is black, the lasses of lovers will have no lack.
– Folk Saying
Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn out coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another.
– Irving Townsend
If you want to know the character of a man, find out what his cat thinks of him.
A catless writer is almost inconceivable. It’s a perverse taste, really, since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys.
– Barbara Holland
If I called her she would pretend not to hear, but would come a few moments later when it could appear that she had thought of doing so first.
– Arthur Weigall
Even the stupidest cat seems to know more than any dog.
– Eleanor Clark
Catnip is vodka and whisky to most cats.
– Carl Van Vechten
A cat’s rage is beautiful, burning with pure cat flame, all its hair standing up and crackling blue sparks, eyes blazing and sputtering.
– William S. Burroughs
Cats are designated friends.
– Norman Corwin
They sleep in the bed and go in and out of the cat door all night – I shudder to think what the laundry thinks we do to our sheets, because it’s a sea of mud some nights. If they go in and out a lot all you get are little black pawprints.
– Sian Phillips
Animals are not brethren, they’re not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time.
– Henry Beston
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering, outspoken, honest fellow – but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
– Philip Gilbert Hamerton
Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.
In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten this.
– Terry Pratchett
Dogs have masters; cats have staff.
The cat is the only non-gregarious domestic animal
– Francis Galton
The phrase “domestic cat” is an oxymoron.
– George F. Will
I am not a cat man, buy a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance.
– James Thurber
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are god.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
– Bruce Graham
Cat names are more for human benefit. They give a certain degree of confidence that the animal belongs to you.
– Alan Ayckbourn
Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.
– Stephen Baker
I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.
– Bill Dana
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes at cat.
– Ogden Nash